I wish that I could have paid for my first semester at college. I wish that my grandpa didn’t have to pay for the classes I won’t be able to pass. I am also wishing that he’ll be understanding as to how I couldn’t handle being a full time student and a 30 hour week employee.
I’m going to try and convince my parents again that working with my friend’s family at an office job with $10 an hour doing something I can handle is a much better idea than what I’m dealing with right now.
I really did try to get good grades, but college is nothing like high school, and high school is nothing that I’d like to go through again.
Why do people compliment you when you are together, but after the breakup the beauty you were told you had turns to an awful sight?
Why don’t they listen when I tell them not to say stupid things like that? Why won’t they understand that it will just make it hurt more once their words turn unkind?
Why does my boss openly make fun of me for things I thought I was improving. I’ve tried so hard to keep up with everyone. I’ve tried so fucking hard to just try. Everything I think I’m doing right only proves to everyone that I’m further from my goal than I thought.
When your head is bashed in as a child, by the boyfriends of a mother that bore you while under the influence of crack, why can’t you work like everyone else? Why are you so slow? Why aren’t you catching on like everyone else? I try so hard to try. I’ve been working my ass off to improve, and I’m only setting myself back. People who are so kind, with sweet tongues and gnashing teeth waiting to lure you in and spit you out. Why have I tried? Who am I even proving myself to?
Why would I do such a stupid thing as that? Why don’t people understand that I’m trying so hard to be selfless and move along for everyone else. I don’t want to know that if I ever leave, that my parents will cry as they put another child into the ground. Brianna would be so alone. I don’t want to imagine the noises they made the night Taylor died being repeated at the news. I’m trying so hard to see the light, So hard. I just got to keep trying to try.